A Proposition for Chivalry

1-15-02

When in conversation with friends both male and female, no topic seems to command more interest than the enigma of dating. Facing the 21st century, it is important that we address proper male-female dating roles. To open the door, or not to open the door, that is the question.

On behalf of concerned and confused males everywhere, allow me to extend a humble plea to all females: please don't drive a stake through the heart of chivalry. The implications of such a decision could be tragic.

Ladies, we understand your need for independence and respect, and are willing to honor both. But if we can't open your doors and pay for your dollar movies, you take away the very roots of our manliness.

Near as I can figure, many women take offense to door opening because they feel it makes them appear incapable. Actually, opening doors is one of the few operations a man can perform capably on a date. Some men spend hours at home practicing in the driveway beforehand. By opening your door, a man is saying, "Hey, watch me open this door for you. Notice the skill with which I operate the knob! Not bad, eh?"

Paying for the meal/movie/building permit is another demonstration of the man's ability and resourcefulness. "Behold! I have sufficient funds to support you, and can even figure the correct amount to tip!" However, sharing of expenses is fine if you've been out a couple times.

Is it acceptable for the girl to ask out the guy? Pretty much. It depends on the guy's mutual interest, personality, and whether or not he made Eagle Scout. A man's reaction could range anywhere from numb indifference to dumbfounded gratitude. The bottom line? Life is full of risks. You may have to take one.

There is another cause for concern. These simple tasks are the only things keeping many men in line. A man freed of opening doors will soon be freed of other responsibilities, such as talking or bathing. Can you really expect a man to listen to you when you refuse even the meager funds his parents gave him earlier that evening? A man fully liberated of responsibilities is truly a menace to society.

So, for all those hopeless romantics out there who still believe in the idealistic worlds of films like Casablanca, Say Anything and Ghostbusters, please don't let chivalry die. Men need to feel needed, and want to treat you like queens. Let them.