Are you tired of having the same redundant getting-to-know you first date conversations? Are you sick of asking questions you really don't want answered in the first place? Are you interested in finding out what your date is really made of?

The answer is before you.

These questions, developed over years of research and field experience, have proven to lead to more interesting conversation material than your typical "how many kids in your family/gee, why do you want to major in finance" fare. Either study the list extensively before your next first date, or pull this out over dinner in a group setting for an entertaining getting-to-know-the-real-you game.

(Scroll down for periodic updates)

1. If you could sin freely for 24 hours with no accountability, what would you do?

2. If your Bishop asked you to suggest a tattoo for the top of his head, what would you recommend?

3. Assuming it were not a henious and unsubstantiated doctrine, would you rather be reincarnated as:

  1. The Sultan of Brunei?
  2. Senator John McCain (R-AZ)
  3. A Mollusk

4. If your blind date arrived at your doorstep with an ear of corn lodged in their hair, would you say something or just assume it was some sort of fashionable political statement?

5. Which of the following activities would you consider the most romantic evening?

    1. Night snowboarding followed with hot cocoa and the mellow acoustic strains of James Taylor.
    2. A Christmas time carriage ride around Temple Square and Salt Lake City's historic avenues district?
    3. An evening of intense guerilla warfare at the side of third-world revolutionaries bent on the overthrow of an oppressive totalitarian dictatorship?

6. Platonic love is understood to be affection maintained at the level of friendship, such as that between a coach and his star athlete, or between two postmen. With that in mind, what single element of friendship is most important to you?

7. In Neil Diamond's classic tune "I am…I said," a line during the chorus distinctly reads, "and no one heard at all, not even the chair." What does that mean?

8. After two months of vigorous preparation for your upcoming marriage, you suddenly realize that the combination of your first given name and the last name of your fiancee will constitute an offensive phrase that is legally considered obscenity in seven states and the Republic of Haiti. Do you insist on hyphenating?

9. Given a choice of two potential husbands, would you prefer to marry a wealthy radiologist with no charisma and a serious gambling fixation, or a bright, young, priesthood-holding aspiring college professor who doesn't have very many prospects right now but really works hard and is described by his bishop as "possibly the most sincere human being I have ever met, with the exception of Dan Bryant?"

10. If Nelson Mandela and Ghandi got in a fist fight, who would win and why?

11. Which is the better superhero, Batman, Green Hornet, or the Flash?

12. What celebrity is the most likely to be your long lost twin?

13. Given $100, 000 to spend exclusively on a car, which would you choose?

14. Just in case reincarnation has a heretofore unknown gospel foundation, what would you like to come back as?

14A. Who/what do you think you have been previously?

15. If you were told in the spirit world that you could return for two material items, what would you bring with you?

16. If you could live on an island and survive on only one kind of food, what would you choose?

17. Give the prospective names of your first three children.

18. Give the names of your first three spouses.

19. Give the names of your three favorite actors/actresses/grips.

20. If you had to watch a 24-hour marathon of your favorite TV show, what would you watch?

20A. Where would you ideally complete the marathon?

20B. What U.S. senator would you like to attend with you?

21. A man calls and says he left 20 million dollars on your porch in gratitude for being kind to his mother in a restaurant four years ago. Your caller ID reads "Ghengis Khan." Do you open the bag on the porch?

22. If you had to have two fingers amputated, which do you choose?

23. Given the choice of being run over by a tractor or falling 25 feet out of a helicopter on to grass, which would you choose?

24. Your dream spouse calls you and tells you they've decided their chosen career is to work on banana boats and weave hammocks in the South Pacific. Do you join them?

25. While hallucinating as a side effect to some pain medication they've been taking, your roommate throws your 35-inch television off of a 7th story balcony. Do you make them buy a new one?

26. A friend you don't like invites you to spend the weekend in Southern Utah, and you turn them down. Five minutes later, your bishop calls you and asks you to speak in church that same weekend. Do you already have plans?

27. Given the choice between three concerts-The Rolling Stones, Sting, or Peter Breinholt, who do you choose, and how do you justify skipping Peter Breinholt?

28. Who is your favorite heavyweight prizefighter of all time?

29. Your blind date appears at your door with half an ear of corn lodged in their hair. You don't know if it is a fashion statement or a terrible accident. Do you say anything?

30. Your fiancee confides in you that until the age of twelve they'd been raised by anteaters. Do you follow through with the engagement?

31. You discover that your father's secret identity is Zorro. Do you share with friends?

32. If you had to be deported for any crime, what would you choose?

33. If you had to have lunch with either Bill Clinton or the Reverend Billy Graham, who do you select?

34. Describe your ideal vacation.

35. If you had to undergo plastic surgery on your face, what would you have altered?

36. If you had to marry either a street mime or a bookie, who would you choose? (Physical, Emotional qualities being equal.)

37. Who would you rather wrestle- Oprah, Sally Jesse Raphael, or Marlon Brando?

38. You see your long-estranged brother handing out Moonie pamphlets in the airport. Do you stop to make small talk?

39. What TV show is cooler- Kung Fu, Crocodile Hunter, or Wheel of Fortune?

40. Letterman or Leno? Why?

41. What is your favorite comic strip?

42. If you had to have an incurable disease, what would you choose?

43. If Stephen R. Covey asked you to recommend a tattoo design for the top of his head, what would you recommend?

44. Would you rather streak at a WNBA game or at the Super Bowl?

45. Who is cooler, Indiana Jones or Han Solo?

45A. Captain Kirk or Picard?

45B. Orrin Porter Rockwell or J. Golden Kimball?

46. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?

46A. What would your super power be?

46B. Describe your outfit.

47. If your dream man/woman were to serenade you on a public karaoke system, what would you like him/her to sing for you?

48. If a local celebrity were to run for governor, a la Jesse Ventura, who would you vote for?

49. What kind of shoes would you bring for a walk to Missouri?

50. Is it true that people called to foreign missions are more righteous than those called to stateside missions?

51. If you were to join any other church, even if only for political reasons, which would you choose?

52. Name your greatest role model, and tell how they would fare in a fistfight with Mr.T.

53. Who is more macho? Sean Connery, Leonardo DeCaprio, or Fabio?

54. Which gift would most likely win your affections, a dozen roses, a dozen chocolates, or a dozen free Whack-A-Mole games at Lagoon?

55. Your dying grandmother's final request is that your estranged cousin Phil plays polkas on his accordion at your wedding reception. Do you oblige her?


Smooth Jerky

Baboon Shavin' Tunes

Planet Venison

Graduate Thesis

Other Recent Articles:

Toasted by the Toastmasters

Missing the (Hymnbook) Cut

"Superman II": Greatest Superhero Movie of All Time


Name the politician! Win nothing!